When you relate to a man from a woman’s perspective, it feels as if he’s from a different planet. In fact, the book Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus, by John Gray beautifully illustrates the differences in the way men and women approach a relationship. If you’re unaware of these differences, even your most sincere efforts fall through, leaving you saying exasperatedly, “I just can’t figure men out.”
If you’re ready to invest 10 minutes of your time to read on, you’ll learn exactly what men want and how to play a significant part in shaping an amazing relationship. Be sure to read right up to the end to get some insightful advice that will help you understand men’s minds – and hearts better.
What Men Want in a Woman: 20 Ideas to Enhance Your Desirability
Every woman who is committed to building a happy relationship, but feels frustrated by her inability do so has wondered about what men want in a woman. Unfortunately, there is no big one shot miracle way to create a heavenly relationship with guys. The good news is that you can stack multiple small actions that cumulatively produce an impact exponentially greater than the sum of the parts.
All this means is instead of doing one monumental move that will win his heart, it takes many small actions that add up and impress him. That’s why this article focuses on giving you many small actionable tips to apply on a daily basis.
1. An “A” for Effort: External Achievements Drive Men
Reaching top position on the leaderboard, receiving the performer of the year award, or beating a personal best on running a mile is exactly what men need to feel good about themselves. Women don’t value statistical achievements as much as men do. At times, they may even think, “What’s the big deal?” Instead, women evaluate their success based on the quality of their relationship.
Next time you see him working hard on a presentation to impress his bosses or rope in a client with a heavy purpose, learn to see it as the male equivalent of a long, candid and intimate conversation with your best friend. Be sure to compliment him on his efforts.
2. Problem Solving and Fixing Things Makes a Man Feel “Manly”
At the core of what a man wants is his desire to be useful in service of others, especially his significant other. That’s why whenever you begin to talk with your partner about your problems, he instantly offers streams of solutions. He does not realize that you’re not looking for solutions.
From his perspective, a man shares a problem only if he feels he is unable to deal with it himself. In a man’s world, asking for help when you are capable of handling things yourself is a sign of weakness.
To prevent this difference from disrupting your relationship, tell him clearly that you appreciate the wonderful suggestions and all the help, but for now, you just want him to listen to you. Then end it with a big hug to get those feel good hormones going for you both.
3. Measurable Results: Data Driven Appreciation
Jeff came home sweating and enthusiastically shouted out, “Honey, I crushed Tim on a one on one basketball match three games straight.” Alison replied, “That’s great baby, and you won’t believe what a great time I had at the yoga class today.”
Do you see how Jeff is excited about the numbers and Alison about her experience? Don’t ask a man about his feelings or emotions. Ask him about raw measurable data and show him you appreciate his achievements. That is what men find attractive.
4. Just Do It: Let’s Get Physical
Don’t think too hard about what men want in bed. What men want sexually is to exert their masculinity by pleasing a woman. Adopting a proactive attitude towards sex provides your partner opportunities to express his manliness. One of the main reasons why women shy away from sex is that they don’t feel comfortable naked.
To overcome this, give your body adequate nutrition, exercise, and rest. You can even try creams, such as Total Curve, to enhance the contours of your breast. After you’re confident about your body, you’ll not enjoy sex a lot more than you used to but also please your man in the process. It’s a win-win, isn’t it?
5. Respect His Secret Sacred Sanctuary
From time to time, you’ll find your partner in a state of intense disconnect. As if he’s retreated into a cave and sealed the entrance shut. During such times, you should realize that he’s withdrawn himself into the secret sacred sanctuary. This sanctuary is a safe place where a man goes when he’s troubled by something challenging. When he’s in the sanctuary he will remote and distant.
Instead of waiting anxiously for him to come out or constantly badgering him to come out, go about your own activities, such as watching TV, shopping, gardening, or reading a book. When he’s ready to come out, he will appreciate your patience. This sort of understanding is what men want in a relationship.
6. What Ever Happened to Sandbox Mode?
Many computer games come with a sandbox mode. The sandbox mode offers the gamer a safe environment to make mistakes and learn from them. In the sandbox mode, the consequences of making bad decisions aren’t debilitating. After playing the game in the sandbox mode for a while, the gamer gains the confidence to test his skills in a real scenario.
If you can provide your partner with a real-life sandbox mode, he will appreciate it greatly. For instance, if he makes a mistake, “It’s okay honey. I know you tried your best,” is what men want to hear. Unless the consequences of his mistakes are significant, you can always forgive him and encourage him to do better.
7. You Are His Fuel for Good Fortune, Progress and Momentum
Through good time and the bad, encouragement is what men really want. You are your partner’s biggest fan and his most enthusiastic cheerleader. With you by his side, he feels infinitely more empowered because he has someone to offer his results to. When he accomplishes something commendable, he is doing it for you.
It is through you that he finds his purpose and fulfillment. Indirectly, you’re securing your own good fortune by being a pillar of strength for your partner.
8. Too Much of a Good Thing is Not What Men Want
When you eat something that’s too sweet, you sometimes wish for something to provide some relief from the sweetness. Men react in a similar manner. When one aspect of their life is going extremely well, they will distance themselves from it for a period in order to revitalize themselves and gain a fresh perspective. This is also true for relationships.
Have you noticed that just when you feel your relationship has hit a new high, your partner seems to withdraw from you? If this happens, don’t chase after him. Instead, allow him enough time to recharge his batteries. Once he’s fully energized, he’ll come running back to you better than before.
9. Unsolicited Calls Not Welcome
Men like to solve their problems on their own. If they’re unable to do so, it is a sign of wisdom to ask for help from someone whom they respect. So, if your husband or boyfriend asks you for help, it means that he respects your opinion. At the same time, if you offer advice without his asking, he’ll feel insulted.
Even if you see him struggling with something, don’t offer advice, offer encouragement instead. Furthermore, if you offer help but he rejects it, don’t take it personally. When he does ask for your help, celebrate the moment because it means that he’s grown to deeply cherish your opinion.
10. Leverage Logic: Making Sense to Men
Women are more in tune with their emotions than men are. Men are more logical. They care about evidence, proof, cause, and effect. Women, on the other hand, care about feelings and emotions. If you want to convince a man to do something, appeal to the logician him. For instance, if you want your partner to see that something he’s done isn’t right, then use logic to convince him.
Sharing about how the action hurt your feelings won’t work because he isn’t rigged to process emotional inputs. On the contrary, if you can establish a cause and effect relationship, he’s more likely to see your point.
11. Two Words to Live by: Loyalty and Trust
If you progressively express your belief in your partner’s ability and dependability, you foster trust. At the same time, you need to affirm your support repeatedly in order to build loyalty. As you see, the concept of trust and loyalty goes deeper than maintaining a monogamous relationship.
True loyalty comes from unconditional support and true trust comes from unwavering belief. Although you’ll take a lot of time to reach this state, you will not regret the time and effort spent.
12. Now, Can I Play?
The first point stresses how important achievements are to men, but if he has to expend his efforts to take care mundane chores and tasks, he won’t have the bandwidth to pursue higher levels of accomplishment. If you can help him meet the basic needs, he can freely pursue his goals in order to realize his ambitions. If you can do this for him, he will value your association and partnership tremendously.
13. Live It Large
According to John Gray, men review relationships by keeping scores. When they feel they’re leading, they wait for their partner to catch up; however, if they’re trailing, they’ll work towards evening the score. You can use this to your advantage. Do something awesome that your partner will greatly appreciate.
This creates a score deficit in your partner’s mind and he will do many good things for you to balance the score. At the same time, you can do little things to maintain your lead. If you manage to maintain your lead long enough, your partner will reciprocate your gesture in a befitting manner.
14. Okay, Here’s The Plan
Many women think that men like to be the ones to make all the plans because they’re total control freaks. However, in most cases, they’re control freaks as a result of social and environmental conditioning. It’s not a gender thing. Men like to make plans for a different reason. They like to be the ones who make the plans because it gives them a chance to apply their abilities in the service of another.
Men want to do good things for you. They’re not trying to take away anything from you. Nor are they trying to establish their superiority over women. Their intention is, like the LAPD motto goes, “To protect and to serve.”
15. Actions Speak Louder Than Words
Women choose their words more carefully than men do. That’s why don’t take a man’s word personally. Instead, look at what he does. Like, comedian, Chris Rock put it, “What have you done for me lately?” He might get angry and say that he doesn’t care about you, but the next day, he wakes up early to make you breakfast, and then offers to drive you to work and pick you up later.
Give more weight to his actions. On the other hand, don’t take his words for granted if he says that he loves you unless he backs it with action.
16. Flame On, Flame Off
Johnny Storm from the Fantastic Four, instantly turns into the human torch, a blazing humanoid figure, by saying the words, “flame on” Then, to return to his normal self, he says, “flame off” Men are like the human torch in this respect, because they are quick to anger and quick to cool down. Women, on the other hand, don’t get angry fast. When they do get angry, it takes time for them to regain their composure.
When a man spews intense anger, try not to reciprocate with the same intensity because he will cool down soon, but you won’t. This causes a lot of strife in relationships.
17. Don’t Wait Until It Smells
If something you did hurt your partner, don’t take your time to apologize. As soon as your emotions are under control, say that you’re sorry. Keep your apology short and simple. There’s no need to elaborately explain why you did what you did or said what you said. Even if he responds angrily, let it go. Just say again that you’re sorry. If he becomes calmer than before, then he has accepted your apology.
You can tell more about what a man’s thinking from his actions than from his words. So don’t worry too much about what he says, pay attention to what he does next.
18. And the Oscar Goes To: The Power of Praise
Admiration matters a lot to a man. Without respect and warm approval of the people, he feels that his work has been of service to no one. Since he is deeply connected with his inner purpose of being of service to others, lack of recognition deals a severe blow to a man’s sense of self.
To win a man’s heart, and keep it, make sure you pay attention to the results he is producing and congratulate him when he achieves something noteworthy. You don’t have to go overboard with it, just a simple acknowledgment will do.
19. Wants His Legacy to Live On
Men take pride in being a good provider because he knows that his offspring requires resources to reach adulthood. He understands that it is through his child that his legacy lives on. Therefore, until a man has children, he hasn’t yet reached his full potential. You might confuse all the hard work and long hours he spends in the office in the name of legacy with neglect. This is not true.
He is doing it to ensure the family name goes on. Maybe all he wants to do is his kids to be proud of their daddy. If you feel you’re not getting enough attention, communicate your feelings directly and unambiguously without justification.
20. The Formidable Force Field
From an evolutionary perspective, women often competed to win the favor of the alpha male because the alpha male can ensure a safe environment in which a woman can nurture her children. A lot has changed since the cave dwelling days of our ancestors, but, a man’s impulse to protect his family is hard coded into his system.
By acknowledging that you feel safe around him, and at times thanking him for providing a safe heaven, you can validate his role as a protector. There’s no doubt he will adore you for that.
The natural order created men and women to fulfill different needs and purposes. Consequently, men and women are wired differently. True harmony exists when men and women recognize and respect these differences without trying to force one to be more like the other.
The bottom line is, what men want is a woman who allows them to be men and do manly things. Watching the what men want movie won’t help, but watching your man will.
Therefore, next time you catch yourself trying to figure out what’s going on between a man’s head, remind yourself, “Lady, you’re not a man.” After all, wouldn’t connecting deeply with being a woman be a better use of your time?